Here it is. My favorite screenshot I’ve ever taken.
When Blink-182 and Saddam Hussein collide.
Hello and welcome to REPLY ALT, the best and only newsletter about music.
First off, as you may or may not be aware, I used to host a podcast called NO PLUS ONES with fellow music bad boy David Anthony. Mostly it was just us shit-talking and running our mouths about music industry gripes. It was fun, but doing a podcast every single week took a decent amount of work and to be honest we sometimes ran out of shit to talk. But! We’ve been discussing the idea of bringing it back bi-monthly. Then the other night we were shit-talking as we do in our free time and we figured we might as well just hit the record button. So we’re back! We released a brand new episode yesterday where we talked about this mess of a Madball show that happened over the weekend. It’s online. It’s free. The stakes are very low. We don’t care whether or not you listen to it. So, listen to it.
Also, I am well aware that many of you discovered this newsletter through this post I wrote last year about New York mag’s art critic Jerry Saltz and his freaky lil coffee habits. I am proud/horrified to report that, by a large margin, it is the most popular post in the history of REPLY ALT. Even more popular than the announcement about the book I dedicated two years of my life to ha ha I’m not bitter about that or anything though ha ha ha. (Just kidding I’m very bitter c’mon y’all let’s make my book announce the most popular post. Click! Click! Click! Justice for SELLOUT!) Anyway, The Popular Post chronicled Jerry’s predilection for buying dozens and dozens of single cups of coffee from the bodega every day instead of just making it at home, even through the pandemic. Well, it seems that after my post prompted dozens of people to pester Jerry to stop fucking the planet and get a damn coffee machine, he finally heard your cries:
“What is reply alt?” What is reply alt???? Oh come ON, Jerry. Come the fuck on. But ok ok, fine, baby steps. Congrats on the Cuisinart. Many happy coffee returns, sir. (Also, sweet bookshelf you got there. If you want my publisher to send you a 500-page brick of a book about indie bands going to major labels, have your people contact my people.)
Let us all now consider this matter resolved. You may henceforth stop tagging me whenever this guy posts a photo of him holding eight dripping coffee cups.
Hey, speaking of Things I’ve Written, I’ve been putting together a collection of essays that I dare say is… pretty good? Autobiographical, but through the lens of the albums that have shaped my life, if that makes sense. Am I going to do another zine drop soon? Yes. Am I going to offer them to my paid REPLY ALT subscribers first and at a discount? Yes. Can I slash the annual cost of a REPLY ALT subscription by a remarkable 50% today? Also yes:
But anyway, let’s get to the “point” of today’s post...
The Best Screenshot I’ve Ever Taken
Wooo boy, researching a book will bring you down a lot of strange wormholes on the internet. One day you’re combing through old issues of Billboard and flicking through the New York Times archives, the next you’re watching ancient Youtube clips of Sally Jesse Raphael because you heard that a teenage Gerard Way was in the audience.
I ended up at the bottom of a lot of weird corners of the Wayback Machine. In case you’re unfamiliar, the Wayback Machine is an internet archive of long defunct websites. I used this wonderful resource a lot—sometimes to read through questionable reviews that Pitchfork has since scrubbed from their site or to look through bands’ old tour blogs. And whenever I stumbled upon something that I found particularly odd/outdated/funny, I grabbed a screenshot, like I was a tourist taking pictures on a trip through punk history. I have traveled through the recesses of the Long Ago Internet Time and returned with folders full of the fruits of my pillaging.
A lot of these gems didn’t make it into my book, so this newsletter seems like a good place to dump ‘em out. Since today would have been Saddam Hussein’s birthday, that seems like as auspicious of an occasion as any to unearth my most favorite mid-aughts internet discovery. Here it is, in all its 2006 glory...
Maybe it was the delirium of staying up past 3 a.m. to do research but I must’ve laughed at this for ten straight minutes the first time I saw it. What a brilliant time capsule of a weird moment in pop culture history. I’m trying to pinpoint what about it tickles me just right. Certainly the top contender for Most Hilarious Part is the idea of Saddam being captured and an intrepid MTV News reporter asking: “Hmm but how can I tie this in to music?” Their solution: Ask the members of the popular bands Blink-182, Staind, and Rancid for their thoughts.
But second to this as contender for Most Hilarious Part is the photo choice. I doubt this photo was taken for the purpose of the story. I’m sure MTV just pulled it from their archives. But I like to imagine this photo captures the exact moment Mark and Tom learned Hussein had been captured.
And ranking third in the order of hilarity, the pull quote: “‘Today’s a good day,’ Mark Hoppus says.” Speaks for itself!
So what did these three bands (and also Korn) have to say about the capture of Saddam? Let’s check the article…
As previously noted, Blink-182 thought it was good:
"We think it's funny that a big turd like him got caught as a coward in a little hole with rats and lice," added singer/guitarist Tom DeLonge, whose brother serves in the Navy. "He's not ever coming back [to power]. I think it's a good day for [Iraqis], us as Americans, and the president can't be too sad about it either."
Korn thought Saddam was a huge pussy:
"Someone just told me, and I was like, 'Whoa,' " a relieved Jonathan Davis said. "The guy's an evil man ... gassing his own people and all that stuff. If all those things I've heard are true of him and his sons — or at least if half of it is true — he needs to pay."
The Korn singer was especially interested to learn Hussein was carrying a pistol but surrendered without a fight. "He pussed out, of course he did," Davis said. "It's just how it goes. I hope they fry his ass."
Staind thought Saddam looked like shit. They rate Saddam’s fit a 0/10. Brutal:
"It looked like they dragged him out of the gutter, it was rough," Aaron Lewis said.
"And you know what, it's good to see him like that," Mike Mushok added.
"From his multiple billion-dollar mansions and palaces all over the place to a hole and looking like a bum," Lewis said. "It works for me."
And Rancid, well, Rancid ain’t give a fuck:
Across the hall from Blink-182, fellow punks Rancid were less enthusiastic about the news. "I don't really care," Lars Frederiksen said. "It's like, every year, every other year, it's a different madman. And my opinions are my opinions. If you listen to a Rancid record, I think you'll know where we stand politically."
Much respect to Lars for turning a simple question about Saddam Hussein into an opportunity to push Rancid records. That’s the mark of a seasoned promo pro right there.
I wish this trend would continue forever. I wish MTV would ask these three bands specifically about every major news story when it breaks. “Blink-182, Staind, Rancid React to Stock Market Crash. ‘Today was not very chill,’ says Travis Barker” “Blink-182, Staind, Rancid React to SpaceX Explosion That Killed CEO Elon Musk and 200 Employees. ‘Today was like really sad and stuff,’ says Jonathan Davis.”
OK that’s it. If I’m being honest, I just needed a place to put this image that’s been sitting on my desktop for six months so that I don’t lose it. Thank you for indulging me. It’s here forever now.
Oh and here’s another screenshot I found that feels like a weird moment frozen in time. An Atticus-shirted Mark Hoppus with his arm around Beyoncé at the MTV Movie Awards. This was six days before 9/11. What a simpler time we were living in then, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that awaited us on Neighborhoods. (Kidding! Kidding! Ayyyy no disrespect to Mark, a very nice man.)
P.S. If you haven’t gotten vaxxed yet, stop putting that off. Let’s get back to touring and making regrettable decisions at shows. Look, Jeremy and I did it! The experience was quick and painless and I only have the faintest urge to buy Microsoft products.
Also, before we part, have you watched my girl Sarah going full Nickelodeon D’Angelo in the new Illuminati Hotties video yet? I love it. One of the funniest concepts/executions I’ve seen in a video in a while. Sarah is such a uniquely talented person. Check out her episode of the REPLY ALT podcast if you wanna learn more about her. One of my favorite eps!
Pre-order my forthcoming book, SELLOUT, here:
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Dan - this was so funny I was dying of laughter. Such a great post. Really excited for your book!
Ok but then he threw the coffeemaker away because it had too many buttons