Some movie scenes I’ve been thinking about lately.
For no real reason, I'm sure! Ha ha just kidding I know why :(
To understand how my brain “works,” imagine those game shows where they stick a person in a glass case with dollar bills flying around and they get to keep whatever they can grab in 30 seconds. (Pro tip if you ever find yourself in this situation: Lick your forearms.) In the glass case that is my brain, the dollar bills are quotes and snippets from movies and television shows I’ve seen over the last three decades. They whip around randomly and every so often I’ll pluck one from the air and recount it aloud to whomever is closest to me and they typically have no clue what I’m referencing. Usually it’s a one-liner from The Simpsons or a quote from a movie I watched once in 1996 that clung to the walls of my brain for some reason.
Lately a different batch of movie moments has been cycling through my brain with the unpredictability of dollar bills fluttering in the wind. All of the various apocalypse/dystopian future films I’ve seen in my life have suddenly risen to the top. Hmm wonder why now of all times!
Anyway, I compiled a bunch of these movie snapshots that have bubbled up to the top of my brain lately. I’ve been actively trying not to think about stuff like this and have instead embraced escapist pop culture where two reality show dipshits get paired off together on an island and marry a tiger or whatever. So this list is sort of my way of exorcising these thoughts. So if you want to skip today’s email for mental health purposes, I get it!
Demolition Man - Taco Bell as the only restaurant.
Yes, yes, the toilet paper shortage has been making me think of the three seashells, of course. (I do however reject the notion that the seashells are meant as a turd pincher/scooper and believe them to be more of a decorative button system for a futuristic bidet.) But the Demolition Man element that keeps coming to mind is Taco Bell, which, in the movie, was “the only restaurant to survive the franchise wars” and now “all restaurants are Taco Bell.” This seemed funny to me at the time. Now I see how easily it could happen. Small businesses that sustain month-to-month are going to get crushed in the next few months. Corporate fast food chains, which already have financial reserves of millions/billions, are seeking further government bailouts and will probably get them with no oversight whatsoever. They’ll be fine. Speaking of corporate chains that will survive the apocalypse...
Idiocracy - Costco cities.
Lots of things in Mike Judge’s Idiocracy ended up coming true: A reality show president wrapped in an American flag, TV shows about people getting hit in the balls, Luke Wilson having a more respectable career than his brother. But the miles-long Costco location was pretty dead-on. Bulk retailers like Costco and Amazon seem to be the only thriving businesses right now and I’m sure they’ll eventually just cut out the middle-man between consumer and employee and offer/mandate employee housing so that there’s no need for financial transactions. People will just work 60-hour weeks at their nearest Cost-Mazon location in exchange for low-grade housing, 1,000-packs of Totino’s pizza rolls, and softball-sized muffins. Capitalism works!
The Road - The scene where Charlize Theron walks into the snow and never comes back.
I didn’t find The Road to be a particularly memorable book adaptation, but one scene clearly wormed its way into my brain. I keep thinking of that scene where, after one too many night spent isolated inside, Charlize Theron finally just gives up and walks into the cold, white unknown. “She was gone, and the coldness of it was her final gift. She died somewhere in the dark, and there was no other tale to tell.” Brutal. If only she had Animal Crossing.
28 Days Later - “We don’t have any cheeseburgers.”
Since my parents live on the other side of the country, I’ve actively been trying to ignore that scene in 28 Days Later when Jim finds his mom and dad in their bedroom. Or when he cuts his own hair, which I’m sure I’ll also have to do at some point. But the scene I keep thinking about is when they stop for gas and he wanders off to follow a sign for cheeseburgers. Previously, this was the type of horror movie scene I’d watch and shout at the screen, “Oh helllll no, stupit. Don’t go in there!” But now, having sustained primarily on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cashews for three weeks, I can affirmatively say that if I lived in a post-apocalyptic landscape and ate cans of beans and soda I found on the ground, I would gladly risk my own life for even a .00001% chance of smelling a cheeseburger.
The Dark Knight - The ferry scene.
Watching Dems and Republicans argue over the acceptable population fatality rate has been making me think a lot about that scene in The Dark Knight where they’re trying to figure out which of the two ferries is the morally justifiable one to blow up. Hmmm not sure what triggered that connection!
Land of the Dead - The tower for upper-class elites.
Maybe you saw that LA Times story going around about rich people who are currently holed up in their bunkers decked out with bowling alleys and enough food for a year. Or maybe you’ve seen celebrities like Ellen and Gal Gadot posting cringe from the comfort of their Parasite mansions while the rest of us in the real world figure out how we’re gonna pay rent this month without paychecks. And sure, Romero’s literal ivory tower for the wealthy, guarded by a militia of gun-horny patsies strung along by the promise of upward class mobility, was a little on the nose. But I keep thinking of that tower every time I see a millionaire posting videos about the virus being “the great equalizer” from their rose pedal milk baths YES I’M FUCKING LOOKING AT YOU MADONNA GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
The Last Man on Earth - The opening scene.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it’s anyone’s guess as to why the title screen of the first episode of this show suddenly popped into my brain hmmmmmmm. (Also, Will Forte is fucking amazing on this show if you’re looking for a binge-watch.)
Ready Player One - The video game trailer parks.
Yeah, this movie was basically like watching some pimple-faced nerd play with his vintage 80s action figures for two hours, but for some reason a movie about a teenager playing escapist VR games in his dilapidated trailer park tower came to mind this week as I watched everyone I know confined to their tiny apartments and posting about Animal Crossing, which as far as I can tell is a video game for babies?
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - Just like, the whole concept, I guess.
Full honesty: I haven’t actually seen this movie. I just keep thinking of the premise and the idea that in the face of global annihilation, the only worthwhile pursuit is love. Hubris, I say! Love?! Romance?! That’s precious time that could be spent on more important things: Settling scores with those who’ve wronged you, smiting enemies, rehashing petty grudges from 15 years ago.
Cast Away - The tooth scene.
Cast Away isn’t apocalyptic or dystopian, per se, but I keep thinking of that scene where Covid-19 survivor Tom Hanks yanks his tooth out because he’s in so much pain. I currently have a toothache that’s likely a cavity and I honestly don’t trust my dumb, quarantined ass not to try popping it out with an ice skate blade at some point.
So those are a few of the movie scenes that have been running through my brain lately. I also started keeping a long thread of Simpsons moods that have felt applicable over the last few days:
Also, Ben Gibbard has really been setting the bar for musician livestreams through all of this. He’s been calling Sundays his covers day, and this past Sunday he covered Rilo Kiley, The Shins, and Elliott Smith. He also threw in a cover of my favorite song of the decade and it was sort of surreal watching this happen:
Sure, it lacks the production value of the version I filmed with Murder By Death, but ask those guys and they’ll tell ya: This is not an easy song to pull off.
And lastly, even with everything going on in the world, Music Twitter found room this week to get all POed about this Business Insider article about a poor lil LA band that somehow makes it work touring in a $50,000 Mercedes sprinter van. I dunno, man. I smell a plant. I think some editor commissioned this story for the sole purpose of raking in those hate-clicks. Anytime you see groan-worthy headline phrases like “LA band” or “Bushwick rave” or “DIY anything” coming from a suited-up publication like Business Insider, you’ve got to recognize it for the bait it is and move along without rubbernecking. Let’s not lose focus on what’s truly important. Fight the real enemy: Dumb celebs starting quarantine podcasts.
Stay safe and stay sane.
Dan